I want to walk on stilts...naked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
