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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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