i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
