Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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