One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
