i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
