Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
