whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
