College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
