How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
