I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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