Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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