yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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