Just fell off a train. Bad.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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