this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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