walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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