just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
