I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
