I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
