You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
