ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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