um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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