My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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