my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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