Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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