you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
