I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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