im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
