just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
