I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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