Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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