i jhust puked up my retainher.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
