You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Randomize
