marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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