he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MIDGETS
????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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