He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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