Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
