you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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