WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
