Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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