Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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