last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
