Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
