Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
