there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
