tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
