It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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