i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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