Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
