mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
