Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
