You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
