apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
