So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
